Change

"The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow but simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live." - Leo Buscaglia

It has been a really long time since I've blogged. It's been really busy at work, but I know things are going to get a little bit crazier in a week before it gets calm again. There are so many things to write about that has happened since the last time I've blogged! Let's start with my main priorities..

Trent is going to be 7 months old tomorrow! I look at him and I think maybe he's growing up faster than I realized. I feel like I'm so busy with Chase that I'm falling behind with Trent. That or maybe he's just reaching his milestones a little bit slower than Chase. Trent can finally sit and roll over both ways although he doesn't do it often. He is about 19 lbs and still has no teeth. He was sleeping through the night for the longest time until he started getting sick. I think he developed the habit of waking up at night and now he won't stop. He's sharing a room with Chase now. It has been an easier transition than I thought. I thought it was going to be difficult for Chase because he's such a light sleeper. When Trent cries in the middle of the night, it does wake Chase up and I can see him sit up through the baby monitor sometimes then lay back down. I feel bad for him so I go in there and grab him. If he was in his own room, I would've let him cry it out for longer. That's one of the challenges that I face with Trent. I feel like with Chase I let him be more independent and self soothing. Trent hates being left alone or on the floor to play. I think it's because he sees his brother playing and moving around so he wants to be apart of it. Another thing is the baby foods and cereal. I started cereal a little bit later than Chase. I think with Chase I was eager to start new things with him because it was my first time! I started cereal for Trent when he was 6 months old and just when it started becoming consistent he started getting sick after his flu shot and it just seems back to back. It's affecting his bowel movements and he had a hard poop the other day so I stopped the cereal. Then he had diarrhea. I think I was onto trying different foods for Chase by now and he had 4 teeth! I shouldn't compare them, I know..but it's hard. I'm not holding Trent up to any standards, I'm just comparing. I think I need to kick it into a higher gear with Trent. I feel like I'm so busy making sure Chase isn't jealous or doing things with him because he's CONSTANTLY asking for things that I forget Trent needs just as much attention, if not more!

Chase, what to say. He is a chatterbox. He is obsessed with Batman and when he puts on his Spiderman shoes he thinks he's a superhero. He starts doing kick-ass moves. He's starting to get a little feisty and starting to fight for what's his. That's okay with me. I don't encourage hitting when you're mad, but we have been teaching him that if someone hits you, you hit them back. Chase is such a gentle giant and other kids takes advantage of that. I'm glad to see that he's starting to defend himself. He follows me around all the time. I go in a room, he's right behind me. I play with Trent, he's there playing too. I stop and he follows me where ever I go. Even if Brandon's home, he's my shadow. Except my shadow can talk. He did go through a phase where he's just so annoying, but he's back to his usual self now. He goes through these phases where he's kind of a jerk and just hates life and everything we ask of him is like asking him to drink cyanide. He is such a sweet boy though and he is very caring. I think I don't realize how well behaved he is until I bring him out. He is a kid that I can take to the store and bring him out without feeling embarrassed or out of control. He wants to do everything on his own and wants to help. I don't know if I'm ready for all that. I mean, I am but in a way I'm not. Having kids and slight OCD-ish behavior does not mesh well because he wants to do things his way and it bugs me!

Now on for the big finale...*DUN DUN DUNNN*
I GOT A NEW JOB! Yes! FINALLY, after three years of making this 140 mile a day commute. I FINALLY found something closer to home. It's in Newport Beach working as an Office Manager/Compliance Officer/FA Assistant/Personal Assistant. Pretty much, I'll be doing everything but the financial advisors' jobs. I've been looking on and off for the last three years and even willing to take a pay cut. I felt like this was God testing my patience and strength. That I needed to endure this to make me a stronger person and to learn to appreciate things. I ended up getting an offer from two different companies and I got a raise instead of a pay cut. I'm SO EXCITED to start my new life, my new career. This changes EVERYTHING. Financially, it will help SO MUCH. I get more time to spend with my family, less time in the car. I'll probably be less stressed out. I'll have time to go back to school. It's scary because I've been with my company now for 5 1/2 years. I grew up here. I started when I was only 20 and in a totally different stage in my life. Now, almost 6 years later..I have two kids and live in a different city. It's also intimidating because I think no matter how confident you are, there is always that tiny flicker or doubt where you're not sure if you can handle it. What if I fail or do not live up to their expectations. What if it's not the right move for me? Although change is scary, it is necessary. Change is the ONLY THING that is constant in life. You have to embrace it. Without change, life is at a standstill. In order to be better, to accept greater things into your life you have to allow yourself to take risks. Even if you fail, at least you can say that you tried. I KNOW that I am meant for something great and I am going to be successful. I've had many setbacks in life. I wouldn't even call them setbacks, just maybe obstacles. Obstacles adds character to life. There is a quote that I have as part of my email signature.

"Success is not measured by what you have accomplished, but by the opposition you have encountered and the courage with which you have maintained the struggle against overwhelming odds."

I think that is so true. Some people think success means making it big. Whether it's given to you, inherited or worked for. To them it's all the same. To those who has EARNED it, knows the difference. The journey is just as important because it teaches you things and it's what helps you become who you are. The lessons you learn along the way. Maybe it's just a mentality. I rather lose to a champion than to defeat a coward.