My fiance got me a laptop for Christmas. It's the first time in a long time where I've had my own. I have a little break right now where the boys are taking a nap (at least I think they are) so I wanted to sum up my year. 2013 was definitely a year of change. I'm kind of ready for it to be over and maybe settle down in my life. I want some stability. This year; I've had two new jobs, left San Diego, permanently ( I no longer commute there on a daily basis), got a different car, have re-decorated my home (sort of), all of my neighborly friends are gone, started playing volleyball again, dyed my hair for the first time in over 5 years and most of all I had an epiphany of where my life is, and where I want it to go.
2014, I'm ready to grow up. I'm ready to stop this whirlwind of craziness and drama. My kids are getting older but I feel like my relationship isn't. I feel like I'm not. I've decided to be very honest in my blog about things because, what's the point in sugar coating shit. People that are reading this are either genuinely interested in my life, or they are just reading it to be nosy. I feel like my relationship is still on the rocks like it's been for a very long time. Things that I thought maybe new parents and new serious relationships endure, but through time will resolve itself. I don't know if that's going to happen. This is the longest relationship I've had, so I really don't know what it's suppose to be like. I just feel like maybe we shouldn't be arguing over the same things we've argued about since the first year.
I've decided to write my new year resolution down and set it as the background of my phone's wallpaper. Maybe if I see it everyday, several times a day it will actually remind me and motivate me to keep at it. I have some pretty generic resolutions of course. Most of them are just about being positive. I feel like I need to get back in touch with my inner self. The old me. When I say that, I don't mean partying and my old LIFE. I mean my old ME. Prior to having negativity, relationship issues and just stress affect my personality and attitude. I think for the most part I've done a pretty good job of just being who I am. Somewhere along the way, I've lost that spark of playfulness. Maybe I've just lost that in my relationship. When other people meet me, they see me as playful and lighthearted. I'm goofy, childish, fun and easy going. I wish I was that way all the time again. 2014 is going to be all about maintenance on me improving my quality of life. I realized that if I don't pursue my own happiness, then I can't make those around me happy as well. I can't be the mom I want to be and show them to truly be themselves and to give them happiness. I've come to terms with myself that in order to do that, I have to let go. I have to let go of things and feelings that has impacted me negatively so I can really move on. If that doesn't work, then I have to let go of the negative things in my life. I dwell on things sometimes if I'm hurt. It makes it hard for me to accept and forgive because I haven't forgotten. I don't think anyone can really FORGIVE without forgetting. You're always going to have that negative memory in your head that just resurfaces at the slightest sign of anger.
I'm sorry, maybe this turned out to be more of a deep emotional vent. I write to soothe because there's no one I can talk to. It's my therapy.
Here are my resolutions for 2014!
Now, I also have some other GOALS like blog at least once a month. Now that I have my laptop, I can bring it to work and blog on my lunch (if I even take one.) I also plan on redoing the kids room which I will be posting, add finishing touches to our place with new furniture, maybe even redo our closet. We have made a lot of changes already to our place but our kitchen is the only room left, well that and the closet. Alright that's it for now folks. See you in the new year!
