Tammy was my first love. I know it sounds childish, but before there was Jaccie there was Tammy. I guess she was my high school sweetheart. It sounds kind of lesbianic, but I think in some way close friendship between women often sounds like a non-sexual relationship that goes beyond sisterhood. We even got each other rings and called each other wifey. There is nothing I could ever complain or speak ill of when it comes to Tammy. She is one of the few people that I've been blessed with in my life that I think is the closest to perfect. I remember when she got sent to rehab for the wrong reason and me and my sister tried to break her out.
I remember when her and Robert first started dating and it was secretive because Robert was somewhat of a friend to her ex. I'm glad they didn't let that stop them because they ended up being made for each other and getting married. It's not that they didn't already know each other, but I guess I gave them the nudge since I was close to her and he was my friend.
When I dropped out of high school my senior year, me and her started growing apart only because of our busy schedules. I was working two jobs and living a different type of life and she was busy with school and Robert. That never made us feel that we weren't close anymore. Every time we talked and spoke with each other or had a casual lunch it felt just like the old days.
I guess when things like this happens, it makes you realize the distance that has settled with the friendships you've had. You don't really realize it at first because you're so busy in your day to day life. We are both busy, we grew up and have jobs, a family of our own. I moved 70 miles away. To hear the news of Robert passing away really put me in complete shock. I cried and am still emotional. Maybe it's also the series of events that has been happening to me in the last week that emotionally and mentally I have not fully recovered to take in such shock.
I wish I could physically be the one to be there for her right now. To be by her side and let her know everything will be okay. That I'm sorry I haven't been there physically the last couple years. That it never changed her importance in my life and that I want to be the one to comfort her. But sadly, I am not the one that can be there right now. I guess even though in my heart her place has never changed, but in reality it probably has in hers. I'm glad our friend Amy is there for her. We were sisters. I guess it's a little selfish of me to wish that I could be there for her. That I'm allowed to be there for her physically. I don't really know what to do to be honest. I'm sure she wants time alone to cope, to not constantly be reminded of her pain. Not that it's not already constantly on her mind. All I can do is text her and make an attempt to be there for her. When she's ready hopefully she will let me be there physically.
Robert Tran, you will be missed in our hearts. You were one of my first few friends that I've made since my move to San Diego. Although, we did not maintain a close friendship in our recent years it doesn't matter now. Once a friend, always a friend. I will always remember our journey to get Tammy flowers in L.A because they were the only ones to dip them in glitter. To be able to try and think of creative things to do for Tammy. LAN parties back in the day. When life was simple. You will always be loved and missed in our hearts but never forgotten.
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