So, when I first started this blog I told myself that there were certain things I didn't want to write about. I wanted the blog to be about positive experiences and something maybe another person felt could relate to. I didn't want to write about relationship problems and serious personal issues. I didn't want this to be a journal for a nosy person's pleasure.
I'm very hesitant to write about our financial woes, but then I thought about it financial struggles are part of the average mom. This is what this blog is about, being an average mom facing everyday struggles. So I am going to share about our financial difficulties and maybe at the end of this blog in a couple years the outcome will be us making it through our struggles and encourage others to realize that through tough times, are better times.
I'm not a stress-er. I am the type of person that can handle most situations with ease and know that stressing and freaking out does absolutely nothing but make the situation worse. The other night, my car got repo'd. I freaked out. My fiance and I were sleeping and we woke up to bright lights and a loud car engine sound through our bedroom windows. He looked outside and said, "babe, they're taking your car."
He went outside and talked to the guy. We all know that once someone comes to repossess your car there is nothing you can do. The guy that comes is just doing his job and has nothing to do with anything else. He came back upstairs and said well, we can give the guy the key to the car and avoid paying $100. We can also empty out the car right now if not, they'll charge us $25 dollars to store everything since they're going to empty out the car when they get there. It was 2AM, we gave them the key and left our stuff in the car. The worse part was of course some neighbor decides that 2AM in the morning is a good time to walk their dog. Personally, I think they are just being nosy.
When Brandon came back upstairs, we laid in bed he eventually went back to sleep and I laid in bed for 2 hours just thinking. I felt so bad, like a failure. Like all things had lost hope and we've hit rock bottom with no other alternatives. Did I think my car was going to get repo'd? No. Did I know I was behind on payments? I had been making payments, maybe not the full amount but I have been. How did we get in this situation? Well lets see, I spend an average of $400 on gas a month, maybe more. When gas prices went up it went up to over $600. That is A LOT of money. A couple months ago, we decided Brandon was going to file for bankruptcy and I was going to go through debt consolidation. He voluntarily gave up his car and it was just more fitting to file for bankruptcy since he'll owe so much money from that already.
Anyways, I laid in bed from 2-4am, before I finally moved into the living room to watch TV and finally fell asleep around 5 in the morning. We were living above our means. How can we possible get out of this situation when we've already done all that we could to narrow down our bills to just the necessities? What do you do when you just don't make enough money? I started feeling hopeless because for once, I didn't know what to do. How to resolve and even worse it seemed like it couldn't be resolved. I started thinking about drastic solutions. The only way out is if we move to San Diego where I won't be spending $600 dollars on gas. Brandon will be the one to commute but he'll be taking his bike so gas won't be as bad. If I live close enough to work, having just one vehicle won't be so bad. I can ask my friend to see if she's willing to watch Chase for a cheaper amount than I pay the daycare. that's it. That's the only way. I began to pray.
I cried periodically the next day. Probably due to lack of sleep, stress, hormones from being pregnant. Mostly, I think it was because I felt like I've failed. I've always prided myself in making it. That I had nothing to start with and was on my own but managed to still live comfortably. I felt like I've let everyone down, mainly myself.
I am so thankful that I have such a supportive family. My sister is amazing. She is my mother Theresa. She has been my rock through the toughest times and the only person in my life that I felt never gave up on me and never doubted me. Maybe she doubted me a little but she never showed it. She came to my comfort and although it was nice it wasn't what made me feel sane again. My fiance has also been amazingly supportive and reassuring me that everything will be okay and we can do this together.
Finally after a day of letting myself go completely. I came to my senses and gathered my thoughts and figured out what I needed to do. Once that happen, my worries immediately became motivation. It was like this weight has been lifted off me. Even though nothing had been resolved yet, I felt as if though everything has. I guess everyone freaks out sometimes. It's only natural. I freaked out for literally 18 hours and then I felt like a new person. I felt a new sense of hope because I had figured out what I needed to do.
"God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength but with your resting he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it."
-1 Corinthians 10:13
I guess the reason why I don't really stress about things usually is that I know there is always a solution. It may not present itself at the moment but there always will be. There is no point in stressing about something you have no control over. The only thing you can do, is do what you can.
So our solution is, we are going to let them take my car. I would've been screwed on it anyways since it was a lease and I was only allowed 48k miles on it. I was already on 64k and I still had another 2.5 years to go. I'm already over 4k upside down on what the car was worth. I'm going on maternity leave in 2 months so if I can stick it out and drive the Trooper for 2 months, even carpool so we can save money on gas since that thing only gets like $13 mpg. Brandon will continue taking the bike to work. Once I'm on maternity leave, I won't really need a car. At least it's not as important as a car now. I'm going to file for bankruptcy. That alone is going to save me over $700 every month. No car payment, no insurance, no debt settlement cost.
There is such a taboo with filing for bankruptcy, but in reality I see it as a fresh start. If you're in a bad enough place financially to consider debt settlement or bankruptcy that means your credit isn't doing so well already. I think most people are afraid of bankruptcies. Maybe it hurts their pride to admit defeat? If I continued with my debt settlement, it looks like on my credit report that I have a lot of debt still and am late on paying everything because that's what debt settlement is. You let it become late or sent to collections then you settle for a fraction of the cost. It would take years for my credit to start recovering and I would still be making a payment for something. Bankruptcy is just hitting rock bottom faster. The way I see it, is why prolong the process of going downhill. The sooner you go down, the faster you can recover and come back up. That and I get to start off on a clean slate. Debt free. Chances of me filing for bankruptcy and trying to finance a car would probably be better than me trying to finance a car while going through the debt settlement process.
I'm actually quite relieved and excited for our new journey back to the top. It's nice to feel like you have hope again. To make things better and to make things right. Hopefully, I will continue to blog about our journey of financial recovery and in a couple years be able to say that we are doing okay!
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