I want to start off by saying how unbelievably fortunate we are to have amazing family and friends that are there for us in a time of need. We have been surrounded with people who has gone above and beyond to help us whenever they can and loves the hell out of Chase. So I don't want to sound ungrateful for the help that we've received. It's because of our friends and family that our lives has been made easier.
Some people are meant to be a stay-at-home mom and some people aren't. That's just the way it is. There's always an exception to the rule. Let's say if we were wealthy and I was able to not have to work professionally, but do something that I love on the side and still be able to afford daycare even if it's just part time..that's a different story. I am not one to be a stay-at-home mom. I love Chase to death, but let's keep it real here. Both Chase and I would go crazy if we were alone with each other day in and day out. He needs a break from mom so he can be social, make friends and play with kids his age. I need a break from being stuck in the mind frame of a toddler. There are days though, where I feel SO GUILTY and am so torn about not being able to stay home. Those days are when your little one's sick. There is nothing more heart wrenching than seeing your two year old sick. Hearing him cough throughout the night in his sleep. Knowing that he's so congested and there's only so much you can do.
A lot of people have grandparents or family members that are retired or doesn't work. So they get the assistance of having a family member watch their kids for them. Both my parents work and they live an hour away. Brandon's mom and grandmother are in a different state. I was lucky enough to have my brother-in-law watch Chase here and there when I needed him to. Now that they have a baby of their own, I wouldn't feel comfortable dropping off a sick kid to share the germs!
I've been taking a lot of time off recently from work. Doctor appointments, car trouble's, infections and just the fact that my life is a walking example of Murphy's Law. Anything that can go wrong in my life, will go wrong. I hate that when Chase is sick, I suffer from the guilt of still sending him to school when I know he should be resting at home. Or I take the risk of losing my job or getting in trouble with my work for taking so much time off. If he has a fever, I don't even have a choice and I have to stay home because he can't go to school. Times like that when you feel like you have to choose between work or your child it makes you feel guilty either way.
My job is amazingly flexible, but I try not to make it seem like I'm abusing my privileges. When I have to drop Chase off at school I come in late and I leave early because I have to pick him up as well. If it didn't take me an hour and half to get to and from work I wouldn't really have that issue, but it is what it is. There are times when I feel like I can't help that I have to take a day off, but are they going to eventually get tired of it and fire me?
I feel bad that on the weekdays my time with Chase is only about 2 hours in a day. When I sit down and really think about how much time I am apart from him on the weekday, it makes you feel really guilty. When he's sick and you know he's not getting the rest and attention he needs because it's daycare, that makes you feel guilty as well. You know they're not at school reminding him constantly to drink water, and check on him to make sure he's not too hot or too cold. That's just how it is at daycare, it's not their fault.
*Sigh* but the worse part is, I don't even have a choice. That's the worse part.. We cannot afford to live off one income. If I didn't work, we wouldn't even have medical insurance. Even if I have to drive 140 miles everyday, spend over three hours in a car daily and at least $600 in gas money every month. We don't have an option of me not working.
I know there are so many mothers out there that shares the same situation as me. Having to leave their baby or child at home knowing that you should be home with them and yet you have no choice.
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