So I just wanted to share my last two mornings with my fellow moms and soon to be parents of toddlers to give you a glimpse of what your mornings could be like. Let me start off by saying, i am not one of those moms that makes excuses for my children's bad behavior. I'm not going to blame it on something, (although some times being tired is the culprit) and I'm not going to justify it by saying there are worse kids out there. If my kid has been out of line or is acting up, I'll be the first one to call him out on it.
The last two mornings with Chase has been unbearable. Some mornings aren't bad and some are. It's almost like this kid has mood swings. One minute he's fine the next he's upset at everything. This is how my morning went..
(Chase wakes up and walks into the room)
Me: "Good morning buddy you want to get changed and watch some tv?"
Chase: "Ya!"(runs to the room and lays down on the ground)
(I get two wipes and his diaper along with his clothes and sits on the ground in front of his legs)
Chase: "wipe?"
Me: (gives him one of the wipes)
(Chase throws the wipe on the ground next to him and turns his head and you can just see his face change)
Me: "what's wrong buddy why are you upset? You asked for a wipe and I gave it to you."
Chase: "hmph"
Me: (As I'm trying to get him undressed) "What did I do Chase, I don't understand. You asked for a wipe and I gave it to you."
Chase: "NO!" (attempts to kick me with this legs)
Me: "I wouldn't kick me if I were you Chase" (Stern look) "I don't know what's wrong with you but you better STOP."
(Chase continues to be stubborn the whole time and turns his body or sticks his legs straight so I can't get him changed or dressed..but I manage. As soon as I get his shirt and pants on he whines)
Chase: "Jacket" in whiny voice.
Me: "Okay, give me a minute I can't do everything at once and stop whining you're not a baby."
(Finally he's dressed and running out of the room)
Me: "Do you want to watch a little tv and have some water?"
Chase: (runs to the couch) "no milk!"
Me: "Alright I'll turn the TV on and get you some milk."
(As I turn the TV on and is walking to the kitchen)
Chase: (Grabs his blanket and mine) "Cold. Cover."
Me: "Okay buddy, let me get your milk then I'll come cover you okay?"
Chase: "NOO, cover!"
(I ignore him as I'm warming up his milk. Yes, I've been giving him warm milk because it's freaking cold and he has a cough. I come out of the kitchen and walk towards him.)
Me: "Can you hold the milk for me while I cover you up?"
Chase: "ehhhhh" (whiney noise)
Me: "Chase....hold the cup so I can cover you with the blanket."
Chase: "Ehhhhhh!"
Me: (I try one more time) "Chase, hold the cup so I can cover you with the blanket."
Chase: "NO!"
Me: "Do you want me to cover you with the blanket?"
Chase: "NO!"
Me: "Okay, fine. I don't know what is the matter with you. Everything you asked for I gave to you. You asked for wipes, I gave you a wipe. You asked for TV, I turned it on. You ask for milk I gave it to you."
(I put the cup down on the coffee table in front of him and goes into the room to finish getting ready for work. Meanwhile, the whole time I can hear him whining and groaning about being covered. He's making all sorts of "EEEEEE" screaming high pitch type sounds, he's yelling "NO", he's just going on and on by himself. Finally, I go out in the living room to check on him.)
Me: "What is your problem Chase." (I see his cup is tipped over on the table) "Do you want your milk?"
Chase: "NO!"
Me: "Okay, so you sure you don't want your milk?"
Chase: "NO!"
(I start walking towards the kitchen to put it in the fridge and he starts to cry for milk. So I walk back out.)
Me: "So you want your milk?"
Chase: "NOO!" (getting a worse attitude every time moving his arms like he's jerking away)
(Same thing repeats. I walk away, he cries for milk except I put it in the fridge)
Me: "Don't cry and give me an attitude. I've asked you twice if you wanted your milk and you said no. Do you want your milk?"
Chase: "NOOO!"
Me: "Okay that is my point."
(I walk away and go back into the room to get Trent changed and ready for school. Meanwhile Chase is bawling and screaming for milk the entire time like it's the end of the world. You can tell he's so upset and so worked up just saying "I want milk!")
Me: "It's too late, you had your chance. Your cup was sitting there for 30 minutes and I asked you if you wanted your milk and you said no. Now we are leaving. So get your shoes and let's go."
Chase: "NOOOOOOOO!"
Me: "Alright I'm counting to three. One, two..."
(Chase budges a little then changes his mind.)
Me: "THREE!"
(I walk over and pick him up and put him on the ground. He's trying to crawl away and twist and turn. I grab him by the ankle and drag him back to me and keep one of his legs under my arm as I try to put his shoes on. The whole time he's crying like it's torture. I managed to get both of his shoes on.)
Chase: "Couch" (points to the couch)
Me: "No, we are not sitting on the couch. We are leaving. Mommy has to go to work."
Chase: "MILK!"
Me: "CHASE, LISTEN TO ME. LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!" I start to say slowly and keep repeating "I gave YOU *points at him* milk and YOU *points at him* said NO. So I put it back because YOU DIDN'T WANT IT." (I was hoping that maybe through me repeating that over and over again slowly he would maybe hear it because I know he's so angry that he has virtually closed his ears. Plus he's screaming no the whole time while I'm talking.)
(As I turn around to grab my stuff I hear him trying to undo his shoes)
Me: "Chase, you better not take your shoes off or you're going to be sorry."
(I turn around to grab the baby carrier and turn back.Chase has one of his shoes off. I spanked him. He cries like it hurt, but I know it didn't.)
Me: "That is what happens when you don't listen. You get a spanking. LISTEN CHASE. Then it won't happen. I've gave you warnings ALL MORNING."
(I run downstairs to put my stuff in the car because I knew that he would throw a really big tantrum still and I would have to carry him down the stairs...just like yesterday. I open the door when I got back upstairs and he is sitting there next to baby brother and he looks at me. No noise, no tears.)
Me: "Are you done?"
Chase: "Yeahhh, I'm sorry mama." (he walks towards me to put his arms around me)
Chase: "Hug?"
(I crouch down and give him a big hug)
Me: "Chase you have to listen okay. I don't like to have to spank you or yell but you need to listen buddy. There's no reason why you should've gotten so upset, okay?"
Chase: "Otayy"
(Gives me a kiss)
And just like that it was like nothing ever happened. I wish I had the ability to be able to get over things as quickly as kids do. For those of you that are against spanking your kids and "it's wrong." Well, keep your opinions to yourself. I'm not suggesting anything to anyone. Whatever works for you then go for it. There is a difference between spanking for discipline and abusing your child and NO, IT IS NOT A FINE LINE. If you come home and you're having a bad day and you're hitting your kids with more force than necessary or with a closed fist. THAT IS CHILD ABUSE. If you're hitting your kids for no reason, THAT IS CHILD ABUSE. If you ever have to think for a second, "did I really hurt him bad?" THAT IS CHILD ABUSE. Nowadays parents are so scared of their kids that they have no control. I know some parents say they don't want their kids to be scared of them. Well, then that's their way of doing things. But fear IS respect. I'm not saying fear like he is going to hide in the room the moment you come home. I'm talking about when you say you're going to do something, they know you're going to do it. That they know you're not bluffing. The day you let your child call your bluff, then own you. Respect is a HUGE thing in the Chinese culture. I think that's why some Chinese kids are more obedient and well mannered. It's a form of respect. If you respect your parents you don't talk back and you don't act out because that is embarrassing. You do as you are told. You never talk back to your elders and you definitely do not talk back to your parents. Showing good manners is also a sign of respect.
Chase is a really good kid for the most part. At least that's what people tells me. Every kid will have their moment and throw a temper tantrum. I get it. I know he's "not that bad compared to most kids" but at the same time I'm not going to use that as an excuse for him to act out when he does. Like oh, he doesn't get upset or act out very often so I'll just let him. Uh no. Never ONCE have I let him get away with anything. I don't care if it takes me to cancel my plans with whatever I'm doing if it mean I have to sit there until he does what I ask. If he was upset about something legitimate, go for it! But to throw a fit because he feels like it, that's not okay with me. I have a zero tolerance policy. What I say goes and you have two choices. Either do what I tell you to do or you can sit in time out indefinitely until you do it. Kids needs to know, that their boundaries are not INFINITE. That there are repercussions to their actions. If you don't put your toys away? Fine, you don't get to play with them. You don't want to eat your dinner? Well sit there until you do or stand in time out and face the corner until you do. You don't get to eat something different because you aren't "feeling it" when I saw you eat the same dish yesterday and you cleaned it. You don't yell and scream at the top of your lungs when you're mad. This blog entry (if anyone even reads it) might start a lot of controversy because everyone's parenting style is different. People probably think I'm so wrong and so cruel for spanking Chase. I gave the kid a fair warning. Actually I had reasoned with him and warned him for damn near half an hour. I tried reasoning with him. I tried talking to him. I tried explaining things to him. Sometimes, when all else fails you need to put your game face on and be the adult. Obviously he was just being stubborn. Chase apologizes for the most part. Sometimes, he even catches himself 15 minutes later if he realizes that he's upset about nothing and he just comes to me or Brandon and says he's sorry and goes to do whatever it might be he was upset about. Chase is a sweet heart and I know it. He's a funny little fella that sometimes doesn't even understand his own actions or his own emotions. I get that. I try to be patient with him and let him get over things or realize things on his own and most of the time it works. I am thankful that he's not as bad as other kids, I know I'm lucky. But I would like to also think that it is a result of our parenting.
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